eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
