I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
