My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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