If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
