im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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