I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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