If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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