They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
