Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
