Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
