He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
be right there i have to get my cape
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
