I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
