glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
