I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
