so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
