My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
