If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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