The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
