If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
