gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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