If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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