I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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