I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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