Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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