I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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