Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
