She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
