Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
