Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
