she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
