I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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