you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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