We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
