i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
