Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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