Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
