I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Plan B is the new Plan A
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
