She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When are your genitals available?
I need to calm my uterus...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
