last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
