Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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