I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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