I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I want a musical about memes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
