Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
