I want to make a zoo with you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
