Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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