i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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