Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
