I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
