That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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