I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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