okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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