I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
