cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
