I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
