The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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