You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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